It’s All in the Timing

Brigitte Bandit with the rhinestone-covered
guitar Dolly Parton sent her.

Sometimes the convergence of events is almost unbearable.  It was particularly unsettling to lose icons like Dolly Parton and Tim Curry on the same day (Curry’s death wasn’t announced until the following day), for example.  But sometimes, sometimes, the stars align the way we want them to.  If we’re going to face a world without Dolly, at least let there be something else that gives us a little hope. 

And indeed on the very day Dolly died, an 87-year-old Reagan appointee named David Hittner struck down a remarkably stupid Texas law against drag performances.  That bill, SB12 from the 2023-24 session, is strikingly similar to one in Curmie’s former state of Iowa that he wrote about in early 2025, declaring it “heinous, bigoted, incompetent, [and] hypocritical.”  Why he didn’t write (or even know) about the case in his current state of Texas, he doesn’t know.

Hittmer had already declared SB12 unconstitutional once, back in September of ’23, declaring that SB12 “impermissibly infringes on the First Amendment and chills free speech.”  Texas governor Greg Abbott and Attorney General Ken Paxton, however, appealed that ruling, and the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals unblocked the law and returned the case to District Court, mostly on procedural grounds.

Here’s where things get complicated, for a couple of reasons.  First, it’s important to note that the 5th Circuit didn’t overturn Judge Hittner’s ruling; they argued the some of the multiple plaintiffs didn’t have standing because they couldn’t show that they intended to engage in “sexually oriented performance,” and therefore wouldn’t be hurt by the law.  This does seem to suggest, as Alex Nguyen writes in the Texas Tribune article linked above, that “the federal judges don’t believe all drag shows are sexually explicit.”  In a rational universe, this would mean that events like Drag Queen Story Hours would be unaffected by the law.  Does this look like a rational universe to you, Gentle Reader?

True, the law as amended doesn’t specifically mention drag performances, but both Abbott and Paxton have made it clear that the target is, indeed, drag.  Of course, as Curmie argued with respect to what Iowa tried, a vague description of what is forbidden opens the door to selective enforcement.  Were Curmie of a cynical disposition, he might suggest that’s the whole idea.  The fact that minors could see an R-rated movie if accompanied by a parent or guardian but there’s some question about even the most innocuous performance of someone in drag sort of says it all.

Does Curmie think the Texas GOP really wants to shut down productions of Shakespearean comedies like Twelfth Night or As You Like It?  No, that would be stupid.  One wonders, however, how much stupider it is than legislating against story time for kids just because Miss Priscilla has male dangly bits under her skirt.

Anyway, the case ended up back in Judge Hittner’s courtroom.  He made the changes required by the 5th Circuit, such as limiting the number of plaintiffs to a single person, and then proceeded to re-affirm his earlier decision, writing that the appellate court’s ruling “did not disturb” that ruling, and that “The vast majority of the law’s numerous applications violate the First Amendment because all the performances that it has an actual impact on are constitutionally protected and are targeted for prohibition based on content and viewpoint.”

He suggested that cheerleaders, cosplayers, swimming athletes, and live theatre performers might be threatened by an overbroad interpretation of prurience.  He said that if someone is offended by a performance, the solution is simple: “Just don’t go.”  And he twisted the knife.  On the day when Dolly Parton was the name on virtually everyone’s lips, Judge Hittner delivered a decision in which he noted that Dolly was sometimes regarded “as a voluptuous sex symbol because of her big hair, flamboyant clothes and breast exposure.”  It wasn’t just Dolly impersonators the law sought to punish; it was Dolly herself, too.  That observation, Gentle Reader, is gonna leave a mark.

Infomercial time: That’s Not All!

The one plaintiff who remained in the suit challenging the law was a drag performer named Brigitte Bandit, who does a Dolly impersonation as part of her act.

That’s Still Not All!

In December of 2023, Bandit had just completed a show at Oilcan Harry’s in Austin shortly after testifying at the Texas capital about the anti-drag legislation.  She was made to sit and watch a five-minute long video thanking her for her work on behalf of the LBGTQ+ community.  She was then presented with a package.  She thought it might be a Dolly costume.  It wasn’t.  It was a rhinestone-covered guitar, signed by Dolly herself.  There’s a story behind that, but what matters is that there was a clear link between the two.  It’s common knowledge that Dolly was loved by the LGBTQ+ community, and she loved them back.  It all sorta fits, timing-wise.

There’s a good chance that Judge Hittner’s decision, unquestionably correct though it is, will ultimately be overturned, politically-motivated appointments being what they are.  But Brigitte Bandit will be doing a show in honor of Dolly on Saturday, and she’s bringing that guitar.  There’s just something perfect about Dolly somehow showing up for people who need her help even after death.  Everyday people don’t exercise influence from beyond the grave.  Dolly, though, wasn't quotidian in any way.  Curmie just might be convinced that she was an angel on earth.